Sunday 16 June 2013

Primary school tapeworm experiments (1970s)

Back in the 1970s there was no way of ascertaining how some medical products might affect humans.

Rabbits, chimps and other animals were needed for dark ritualistic purposes and human volunteers were not forthcoming, especially after several high-profile medical scandals.

The Cavalier Pharmaceutical Company hit on the brilliant idea of publishing a series of primary school science and maths books. They donated them along with a generous endowment to Scarfolk Education Board which had no choice but to introduce the books to the curriculum.

The textbooks invited young children to conduct experiments on themselves and record the data, which contributed to higher end-of-year grades. The best scoring pupils from each school were awarded the chance to try out the medicine to which their schoolwork had contributed. They also won free cigarettes, as well as courses of either anti-seizure or anti-psychotic medication.

There's another page from the Scarfolk maths and science book here.
 
(click image to enlarge)

12 comments:

  1. no mention of a mallet, three mars bars and an apple?

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    1. Quite. There seems to be a lack of respect for tradition.

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  2. I suppose elementary school is too early to introduce a 2-way ANOVA.

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  3. Can't see any downside to this, none at all

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  4. Oh, Scarfolk. Educate on.

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  5. Not sure Scarfolk in the 1970s would have been using all-metric measurements!

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  6. "the teaching of metric units has been mandatory in state schools since 1974."

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  7. Lol on "free cigarettes"

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  8. I psychically bonded with my tape worm and never looked back. I really dont know what the fuss is about. Eduardo is a fine specimen of a parasite. He is well read, witty and, above all, a fantastic cook. His "pork surprise" is to die for and is always very popular when we have guests for dinner. Admittedly, our guests leave with a few uninvited ones of their own but thats all part of the surprise and, as Eduardo always says, there's plenty of him to go round.

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  9. Oh Eduardo, didn't he publish a book of short stories?

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    1. Yes, you are quite right! How clever of you to notice. He published a collection of short stories in 1976 entitled "How the Worm Turned and other tails (sic)" under the name Eduardo De Vermis. The book was generally well received by critics and Eduardo even embarked upon a series of speaking engagements and radio appearances. His star dimmed sadly after a disastrously botched interview on The Jimmy Young Show when he arrived at the studio drunk. After an on air performance which made Oliver Reed look like the very epitome of sobriety he was ostracized and thus his time in the spotlight was over. I can't say I wasn't relieved, it was nice to go out wearing trousers again and not having to be naked from the waist down in some very public places.

      Eduardo and I can laugh about it all now and we often reminisce of how people used to accuse me of talking out of my arse when, in fact, it was him all along.

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