Monday, 22 April 2013

"Never Go With Strange Children" public information poster, 1977


This public information poster was ubiquitous during the mid-1970s when there was a spate of cases involving adults being abducted from leisure centres, building sites and nudist beaches.

The police launched a public manhunt hoping that the perpetrator would be swiftly apprehended, but the crimes went unsolved for nearly two years. Terrified grownups would only go outside in groups of four or five and many pubs refused to open.

It was only when a police medium read the entrails of a recently sacrificed tramp that clues were finally unearthed, leading to the arrest of eight year old Steven Benson who had fed his victims to his tortoise, Admiral Twinkles.

When Steven was taken into state care and Admiral Twinkles escaped, it was suggested that the tortoise, which was an illegal immigrant, had used 'Manchurian Candidate' style psychological techniques to manipulate young Steven into subconsciously carrying out his instructions.

12 comments:

  1. Wasn't there a Scarfolk Public Information film of this? An middle aged man and his cat I seem to recall, 'Charlie Says' was it called?

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  2. Brilliant!! Thanks for the warning. (BTW if the Scarfolk Council wanted to raise some extra money they could reprint this poster (and others from this site)and sell them on the World Wide Interweb. I know I'd buy one. Thanks!

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  3. I strongly refute the accusation that 'Admiral Twinkles' had used 'Manchurian Candidate' techniques on Steven. Admiral Twinkles had never been in China, and had no knowledge of Manadarin Chinese. However, it was noted that Steven, under interrogation, reacted very strangely to the phrase 'Now listen to me, listen to me'. He had also confessed while being waterboarded to sleeping in a coffin made in Berlin, and repeatedly stated 'Not alot of people know that' in a cockney accent.

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  4. There was however a link to Admiral Twinkles and Manchester, the prominent nearby city to Scarfolk whom it was suspected was trying to keep close obs on the town at the time. Could he have been The Mancunian Candidate?

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  5. I detect some over-zealous hyphenation in the first paragraph and an unfortunate orphan in the 4th, tut-tut. Are the Scarfolk Typographers Guild out on protest again, or is it a subliminal message?

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  6. Ah, Mr (Or Miss) Zhu, it seems that we have expert among us! We, of the Scarfolk Typographers Guild (and Working Mens Club) pride ourselves on a typically atypical typographical style. As outlined in Scarfolk Poster Design Ordnance Nr.2, 'No resemblance shall be made to poster styles living or dead, or merely incapacitated'. We are however, pleased that you have found our orphan, little Arial Baskerville-Oldstyle. We had no idea she was hiding in paragraph 4, the cheeky little beggar! The last we heard she was living in her Grans' basement at Nr.23 Curmudgeon Jetty, after the tragic death of her parents in the green gas cloud incident. She will be taken to the Scarfolk Mental Ill Health Institute for further hallucinogenic inculcation!

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  7. I have seen them about. They said would I like to see a pony and offered me some of their sweets. I said NO!!! and ran away as fast as I could. Thank goodness for your posters.

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  8. Is it possible to buy one of these? Cheers, Stuart

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  9. Excellent. Will keep an eye out for details! Cheers.

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  10. Children, especially strange children, employ a Manchurian form of torture characterized by incessant talking often punctuated by irrelevant questions. Abrupt changes in thought serve a purpose. They note if the intended victim is still listening or drifting and therefore ripe for their malignant will.

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  11. Above all, they are never to be condescended to, especially when they travel in numbers. Be deferent as to your class. And wait until they have stopped staring at you, deemed you not a threat, and moved along down the lane before triggering any snares or traps. If they manage to turn around and see you during this process, escape as best you can and seek electro-shock therapy 'reset' to remove their aural talons.

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